Coffee Talk: I Lost A Parent

Hi, friends.

This is going to be a hard blog post for me to write, but I want to write it. This will help me heal and I hope it helps someone else too.

For those of you who don’t know why I write on here, let me start with a little background on my blog. I published my first blog post two years ago. I yearned for this website to be a place for me to write down my experiences in life, good or bad, and turn them into positives. I wanted other people to feel inspired or to know that they are not alone. As well as, I wanted to inspire myself. I hoped for this to be a safe haven for anyone who needs it. I aspired to spread confidence and love since the world can be so overwhelmingly negative. Whether it be about silly things like outfits to wear, DIYs, college hacks, or all the way to a different spectrum of coffee talks about some real life stuff. I am not a perfect writer, but I like to be real. I like to write from my heart. I wanted to create this blog for me and for you, as a reader.

Last weekend, I was excited that I didn’t work early and was able to sleep in. My boyfriend’s birthday was the night before and we celebrated with his family. I was planning on taking him out to dinner on Saturday after my shift to celebrate him turning twenty-four together. Little did I know, Saturday morning I would be woken up by a phone call that I would never forget. I was told my Dad had passed away. My first reaction was heavy tears down my face and my body shaking and trembling, a feeling of pain and sadness all at once, a feeling I can not begin to describe. I felt as if I was in utter shock. I still feel that way. I have lived with my mom and stepdad for the majority of my life, so not seeing my dad every day is normal for me. I think this takes in to play why I still feel that it is not real. Plus, everything happens so quickly and it is not enough time to process everything that is happening. I feel as if I blinked and the funeral service, the burial, and the moving back on to “real life” of school and work again all happened in a few short seconds. Even now, sitting in class it’s hard for me. I catch myself staring off into space and not paying attention to what is actually happening and simply not caring. I feel a sense of no motivation to get out of bed. But I know I can not let that overcome my life. My dad would not want me to be feeling this way, I know that for sure.

I never planned to lose my dad at the age of twenty-one, but then again, no one plans this. As heartbreaking as it is to lose a parent, no matter the situation, I realize I am not the only person in the world who has gone through this. I am not the only one who is hurting over the loss of a loved one. I would like to take this situation and write this blog post for anyone who is going through a loss of any type. I am going to help you with some aimless things, but every bit can make the entire situation a little less of a stressful time.

What to wear to a funeral:

This is something no one wants to shop for, my dress was beautiful, but I wish we never had to buy it.

  • Dark dresses or suits are always appropriate.
  • Keep shoulders covered.
  • Skirts/dresses should reach the knees.
  • Avoid anything overly revealing.

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What to say:

Thank everyone who came out for the funeral when the approach you, it is easy and polite to do this. Know a funeral is a celebration of someone’s life and it’s okay to smile and laugh about the good memories. My dad was a goofball, so it was easy to remember the funny stories from him. But also remember, it is okay to sit down and feel sad. It is okay to cry in front of people. It is okay to feel nothing at all. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. We all grieve differently. Everyone who attends the funeral is there to show their support for you and for the family. Do not be afraid to step back and realize how lucky you are to be surrounded by so much love at such a difficult time.

What you can do:

For my dad’s funeral, I took a flower from each flower arrangement home with me and I am going to put the flowers in a shadow box to save always. Flowers, to me, show love. They have such a deep powerful meaning. It will be something I have with me as a reminder of all the love I am surrounded by.

What you can learn:

As I sit down and reflect on everything that has happened this past week. I now realize more than ever that life is so very short, it is true that you do not know what tomorrow can bring. Quit judging people or situations, quit complaining, quit hating on things out of your control. Love more and forgive. Do not end things badly with anyone if you can help it, learn to accept and love even if you do not agree. Try to understand rather than argue, listen to people first. A loss is hard for everyone, you are going to find yourself at the highest peak of sad emotion when you are alone and that is okay. You need to heal. You need to accept what has happened. When someone close to you passes, the best thing I can recommend it to let your heart fill with all those good memories and hold on to them forever, but remember they are also with you. They will always watch over you and keep you safe. Do not be afraid to talk about anything you are feeling either.

Overall, what I, as I am sure many other people have felt, is not easy to describe. I am sad. I am hurt. My heart is heavy with grief. But I am thankful for every single person who has reached out to me. I am thankful for the people who still keep checking up on me and making sure I am okay. I am thankful for the love and support of my family. I am thankful for the lessons learned. It is, without a doubt, hard to get back into a normal routine, but I will get there. I will miss my dad forever, but my heart knows he is still here with me, in a different way.

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” ~Dalai Lama

Mark E. Raynak

December 18, 1964, ~ October 21, 2017

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”

Keep us all safe. I love you always and forever, Daddy.

~ Lexi Pie

That’s all for today’s post. I thank you all for reading. My thankfulness for your support is endless. Don’t forget to leave links to your blogs and instas, as I would love to check them out and follow you all and connect more. As always, feel free to shoot me a message with blog requests, to chat, or share a simple comment, I am more than happy to talk to you lovelies! Sending lots of love to you guys now and always. We’ll talk soon.

Love,

Lexi

P.S. let’s be friends! InstaTwitterTumblr & Snapchat 🌸

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10 Replies to “Coffee Talk: I Lost A Parent”

  1. Alexis, you are a strong and kind young lady. Death of a loved one brings on a myriad of emotions and really never goes away. I still suffer from “grief brain”. All we can is keep moving. We love you!

    Like

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